“You said you loved me in your sleep, but I didn’t tell you because I wanted to say I Love You first.”

 - The Killers movie

Being the utter romantic that I am, my first thought upon  hearing this line was something akin to…. GAG ME!!

Frighteningly, it seemed as though every other woman in the audience was ‘Aww’-ing! It’s horrifying how simplistically young women see romance. If this is the general rule by which women measure ‘love’ and ‘romance’ I recommend every man start memorizing movie lines and they’ll get any girl they want without doing a thing.

I openly acknowledge that I’m a little skewed in my views of romance, afterall my husband bought me  duckie key chain that quacks mechanically and threatens to blind random strangers with its powerful LED light, and I adore him for it. Perhaps this is simply because I lean more toward love reflected by actions. But really, sappy words can be rehearsed and making me laugh is a lot harder to do. (OK I lied…making me laugh isn’t really that hard, but I treasure it a lot more than perfect words.)

“We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.”

 - Agnes Repplier

So to heck with perfect lines and adoring eyes…give me absurdity and the ability to revel in it together. For there is nothing more joyous than my husband dancing with me around the kitchen, our sock feet slipping and sliding, making up crazy (sometimes scarily falsetto) songs, while laughing until both our legs give out.

That is Romance!

The Cookie in question has left my hubby in awe and has won over the harshest of GF critics, my brother. Could this moment get any better??

It appears that yes it can!!

The winds begin to bluster and blow outside, lightening fills the sky and the clouds let loose as though cheering me on and joining in my slightly crazy celebration. Now that my party is in full swing I’m no longer alone in my delight as it seems that the heavens know a good thing when I taste it!!

So excuse me while I return to my happiest of dances and indulge in JUST one more cookie… (humming ‘Dancing with Myself’)

- Karl Marx

I’ve Become My Own Bureaucracy!

It’s sad to note that my list of goals has been held up due to my indecision regarding how to group them. Do I use the ‘have’, ‘know’, and ‘do’ categories or do I break them down into ‘literature’, ‘music’, ‘sports’, ‘fitness’, ‘financial’, ‘relationships’, etc?! Or do I try to combine them all? The thought of combing them all requires the creation of a very detailed and searchable spreadsheet!!

Which Way Will Get More Goals Done?

I like the idea of breakdown into detailed categories since it’ll allow me to know what I’ve accomplished in each area of my life and where I’m taking it. However, the have, know, do method will allow me to quickly and easily check of a goal and find another goal to work on from the same category meeting my need to be working on at least one item from each of these simplified groups. I’m sure many people would say “well, just read through the whole list and choose what you want to do next.” The issue is that what if I’m not choosing in a balanced manner…maybe I’ll only work on my fitness goals or I only complete my knowledge goals but don’t ever DO anything?

Moving Forward in Other Ways

As the days get darker I am in my continual search for ways to stop the coming lethargy. Thankfully, the new S&D Aquafit in Beaumont has finally opened up!! (yeah!!) It takes 10 minutes or less to walk there at a brisk meander. My list of excuses for not working out has been chopped again, though in reality my main excuse was the distance to a gym. But yesterday despite the post time change exhaustion I headed on over. I’ve even pulled out the Light Therapy light and am trying to use it regularly. And because sometimes I want to be an overacheiver I’m doing some more research into nutrition. I already eat very healthy but I want to make sure that I’m getting all the nutrients needed to prevent or at least minimize the exhaustion that the dark months bring.

- Lou Holtz

Aaah, a quote for my Dad, both because Lou Holtz was an NCAA Coach and because I recall many a New Years Day when Dad with start questioning what was on our list of goals for this year. Oddly or not, due to this early questioning I’ve never been truly bored due to a lack of things to accomplish. Instead I have been faced with endless distractions…Attempting Too Many Goals at Once. Last week my Mom and I were discussing ideas and things that we should do, when I looked at her and said ‘we have too many ideas‘. It is impossible to finish one idea or goal if your brain has already moved onto the next one!! My list of a million and one things to do leaves me hopping from one thing to another without every achieving anything.

Who’s Goals Are They?

My list exceeds 130 goals and continues to grow. I believe one of the biggest problems with this never-ending list is that many of the items I attempt first are the ones I Feel that I Should Do. Which items on the list are just Good for Me and not want I really desire to do? For instance, knowing a second language such as French would be great, but I am really not excited by the prospect! Maybe someday this goal will return depending on where my life leads, but right now I don’t need or want to learn French so it has now been scratched of the list. Also, which goals are there because I know members of my family hold as great ideas? While my brother may really want to learn to water ski, all I’m visualizing is the nasty water that this event occurs on and that the result does not make going into an Alberta lake worthwhile!

The Success Principles: Goal Setting

As I work through this principle, I’m trying to finally streamline and clarify what I really want. What do I really want to learn or do? What excites me? What have I included because I know others expect me to want to learn this? Specifically, what do I want to see or experience when in Maine and Georgia? When Do I want to have the goal check off by? What habits do I want to develop?

Thankfully, I at least have a list to start from though I think brainstorming ideas is the easy part. I guess we’ll see this week what gets left on the list, what gets added, and what changes direction. Even though this is a bit overwhelming at least I’m Never Bored!

Change isn’t neccesarily hard in everything, but it is when you’re dealing with people. You never now how long or how hard the battle will be to make changes in relationships or actions. What problems are going to arise from a confrontation? It would be a lot simpler if you knew that when you confront an issue there would be a predictable response.

I had actually been looking forward to this long weekend, thinking about all the things I could accomplish, but unfortunately since last Thursday I have been fighting a cold. Pretty much the entire weekend has been spent either in bed or on the couch. I feel let down and frustrated that nothing has happened. And while some people can push through colds, I can only do that if there is something that absolutely has to be done.

So now that the weekend is done and the cold almost gone, I am looking forward to a much more productive week.

- Richard Bach

In high school and college basketball, I recall that the cocky girls who often irritated me were usually the players who were the deciding factor in their team winning. They didn’t necessarily make it look pretty but in their minds they saw themselves as being the best and proceeded to prove themselves’ right, simply expecting circumstances to go their way.

Expectation vs Arrogance

My biggest struggle with this cocky air of expectation was that I never wanted to come across as arrogant. Now that is not particularly congruent with my competitive side, but that was the battle. My best year of basketball was Grade 12. I believed that I deserved to be an Edmonton Journal Allstar focusing on that goal the entire season. The team I was on had few strong players and I knew that I was the deciding factor between annihilation and a competitive game. Unfortunately, my year of college basketball was not as successful as I would have liked, but looking back I can easily see that I believed that everyone else should be better than me since I was only a first year. This attitude forced me to struggle through the year.

Sadly this fight between Positive Expectations and Arrogance continues. Daily I battle the beliefs that I’m not as smart or as capable as everyone else, they all must be more qualified. It’s frustrating knowing that this is completely false, but since I don’t have proof of my fantasticnessI never give myself the opportunities to create the evidence.

The Success Principles: Believe It’s Possible

“It’s amazing what happens to your self-confidence when you get eyeball to eyeball with yourself and you forcefully tell yourself what you’re going to do.”

Since it appears that my belief in my capabilities may need to be beaten into me, maybe in the morning I will look myself in the eye while talking to myself. Will it be more effective repeating my purpose and vision in front of a mirror? It remains to be seen.

I find that incredibly daunting! I’m 25 years old and I’m still not really sure what I want to be when I grow up. Why do some people have such clarity so early on?

What Haven’t I Wanted to Be?

Personally I’ve been all over the map: nurse, doctor, model, massage therapist, fitness trainer, entrepreneur….Sometimes I wonder if being raised believing that you can do or be anything you want is a good thing. It’s so overwhelming knowing that I have a world of options and now need to go make the right choice. But which one?!

How do some people just know?!

- “Stand Back Up” by Sugarland

I am terrified of Winter

It is just that simple. Winter brings the darkness from which I am continually running. Last year the combination of Seasonal Affective Disorder and Depression made those months agonizingly painful. I was sucked down so low that I remember a moment shortly before Christmas where I was driving home and thinking, “I know why people commit suicide.” Now don’t worry I wasn’t suicidal, but I recognized that if I had nothing to hope for beyond seemingly endless mental suffering it was a possibility.  My theory has become that if I keep in mind what I want to do when I am well, it will be easier to keep holding on.

So despite radical improvements this summer, I am anxious about what the coming months will hold. I feel well enough that I want to commit myself to various activities through out the year but am worried that in a couple months I’ll have to pull out in an attempt to preserve my sanity.

My Vision

I am seeking to make my vision a very prominent part of my life in the hopes of providing one support to get me through. My plan now that I am gathering a multitude of recipe cards is to put them in an album that stays standing and easily flips pages. This should minimize the  number of lost cards and make for a much tidier look!! As suggested by The Success Principles I am going to be reading my purpose and vision cards every morning as I start the day.

So as the days get increasingly darker, I will hold fast to Christ and to the plans I have for the seasons to come.

Stand Back Up by Sugarland is for me an fight for another day anthem.

The greatest tragedy of life is not death. It’s what dies within us while we’re still alive.

- Norman Cousins

As I rifle through a myriad of Self-Help books I am forced to re-evaluate the power of habits and what effect they are having on my life. Become Who You Were Born To Be by Brian Souza describes the importance of our unconscious habits:

Daily we make hundreds of small decisions that, taken one at a time, appear harmless and insignificant. But when we begin to piece them together, take a step back and analyze them with an honest eye, a picture slowly begins to emerge.

This big picture result is clearly reflected in our health choices…skipping a workout today seems small until you realize you’ve missed 50% of your workouts in the last 6 months. No wonder your not getting any stronger!

We sow our thoughts, and we reap our actions; We sow our actions, and we reap our habits; We sow our habits, and we reap our characters; We sow our characters, and we reap our destiny.

- Charles A. Hall

Since my direction is still not completely clarified I see habits as a way to clear my mind. I think developing set of 5 things that need to be done every single day without exception would provide a degree of peace removing some of the clutter from my mind. For instance, I could include Bible reading, Reading Purpose Statement, Load of Laundry or Dishes, etc.

What 5 things should I ensure get done daily?!